The thing with Leaver's Dinner is how seriously everyone is taking it, and that worries me. Well, it's being taken seriously in my circle of friends at least. The overall atmosphere among certain social groups in my gender bracket is a mixture of excitement and indifference. I'm mainly neutral when it comes to my enthusiasm.
Ever since the start of this year, my friends and I have been haphazardly preparing our entrance to the dinner and who to bring as dates. Rebekah is already set up with Amrit, although even if they weren't going together she would undoubtedly have been asked out by every other guy in our form. Personally, I don't really want to go with anyone. I mean I do, seeing as I am a typical teenage girl who requires the fervent wails of a gentleman suitor to stave off my thirst (hoes these days).
I mean, it would be lovely if I caught the eye of a strapping young gentleman and he decided to ask me out to leavers'. However, that remains very unlikely as I'm not exactly the most attractive or interesting person out there.
The problem is I'm too picky. I want someone to ask me out but I don't want it to be just anybody. I think that that's a problem for many girls. You want somebody to like you but it has to be someone mildly attractive otherwise then, what's the point? I think that's awful. But after all, we women can be heartless beasts at times.
Back to the dinner issue, my friends and I have a horrible reputation when it comes to planning events. However, a recent expedition on the last day of school went rather well; with us successfully attending the colour festival in support of Gaza and then Chinese food after, with most invitees present. A small victory under our belts.
The problem is that there aren't many resources around to get all the stiff we need: mainly dresses. This sounds pretty weird. I'm having First World problems in a Third World country.
I'm reluctant to attend this s*** anyway. I'm conflicted actually, like Brutus, I am facing an inner conflict between my morals and my loyalty to my friends. Well, I really shouldn't worry them with my personal hang-ups. I have 2 theories about Leavers':
1. I will go there and see everyone in my year looking all attractive and happy and I will get depressed and sick to my stomach because I know that I'll never be that happy so I end up having a horrible night and alienating my friends (as usual 😩).
2. I don't go and instead opt to spend the evening attempting to host an Xbox Party with Snehin (who'll probably go to the dinner anyway) and we'll spend a few trying minutes attempting to connect and then give up. I will sit there playing a game alone whilst my mum gripes at me that I should've gone to Leavers' and how I've disappointed her as a daughter and a woman.
Basically in either scenario I'm f***ed: my friends will be mad at me either way. Hopefully the after-party will prove more auspicious. I plan on getting tipsy with my friends (for the first time in my life, f*** I'm such a loser) and start conversations with people that I'm too afraid to talk to now.
-"Let's get drunk and tell each other things that we were too afraid to say sober"
